but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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