I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
