i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
