i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
