So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
