I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
