Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
