his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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