It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
