Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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