Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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