i would punch a child for taco bell
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
