Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
