I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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