I just made out with a guy for $7.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
