He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
that is very illegal...i love you.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize