3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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