Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
