The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize