Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
