this beer tastes like vomit already
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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