Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
