Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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