it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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