Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
