my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
