So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
