you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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