I hate all girls vehemently.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
