He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
