I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
