During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
