I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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