i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
