I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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