We got so high we made milksteak
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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