On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
