Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She made me pour olive oil on her.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize