This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
