dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
