That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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