He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
