FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
