if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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