I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
