Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
