he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
