so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
