just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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