I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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