You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
