I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
