i think my tv is drunk
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
North Korea, Best Korea!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
