just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
