Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
