i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
