my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
