"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
