Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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