In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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