with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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