I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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