Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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