get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
