taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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