marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
