they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
