my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I wish i was in the wii world.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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