He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
