If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
