My first STD was from a foam party
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
