at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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