Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
