Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
