i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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